Saturday, July 30, 2005

"Slow Down---I Move Too Fast"

Whenever both my wife and I have the same day off, it sometimes drives her a little wacky because she sees me pacing around the house, looking out the window, spending too much time at my pc or just generally being bored.

She always asks me what the problem is, and I can never give her a satisfactory answer, but I think it would more than likely be that I simply just don't know how to relax. You see, when you work almost every day like I do, and 9-1/2 hrs. each day, when I actually do have a day off and nothing on my "schedule" of tasks that need to be done, I just don't know what I should be doing.

I feel like I need to be active, like I am when I'm working, because that's the "norm" for me to run myself to death when I am at work. In fact, that's pretty much how today went. I slept in until 7 AM (and that's late for me on a day off), then got up and got myself awake with a little breakfast and some coffee, sat around a little bit getting the sleep out of my eyes then headed to the nearby weekend flea market just to see what was going on there.

And, that's about it. That was all I had planned for the day. The lawn had already been mowed for the week, the laundry was pretty much caught up as well as some other menial jobs around here, so I found myself with absolutely nothing else to do. I got so bored that I thought about taking a nap, but reconsidered that thinking it was just a waste of time.

I sat around and tried to watch a movie, only to find that bored me as well. I finally read some, got on the chat boards for a while and just wasted the day away. For a while, I had this depressed feeling which I believe comes from not being able to fill up my every waking hours with some activity.

It's not that wanting to be active isn't a good thing. I wouldn't want to just sit around all the time, grow fat (fatter), and waste my life. I should indeed be active and exercise, but still I really do need some lessons on slowing down a little and trying to learn how to enjoy life; that it isn't just all about paying my bills and constantly being responcible for all that comes my way.

And even if I were independently weathy and didn't have to work for a living, I'd still be the same way. Maybe not as bored because, although money may not be able to buy happiness, it can certainly help you pay for a good time or give you the available finances to create a job that you really would like to do.

But, I don't see that ever happening. So I guess I'll just continue to drive my wife nuts from time-to-time. 'Cause if I ever did ever completely stop, I just might never start up again!

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